Defining The Sensitive Man
February 27th, 2009 by Dilettante DerekThere is a generalization women make that makes me cringe. So this is a little tutorial for both sexes, on a highly sensitive issue between men and women: The 5 word declaration, single women make “I want a sensitive man”.
Do you? Do you really? Because there are so many different ways in which the word “sensitive” applies, I urge women to really look at what they’re asking for, because if you’re too general about what your after, odds are you’ll decide later it’s not what you want. It’s because women really only want a particular brand of sensitive men. Let’s look at the definition of sensitive shall we? Here are the various definitions of “sensitive”. By examining the different levels, you can see where interpretations get crossed.
1. endowed with sensation; having perception through the senses.
2. readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences.*
3. having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.
4. easily pained, annoyed, etc.*
5. pertaining to or connected with the senses or sensation.
6. Physiology. having a low threshold of sensation or feeling. *
7. responding to stimuli, as leaves that move when touched.
8. highly responsive to certain agents, as photographic plates, films, or paper.
9. affected or likely to be affected by a specified stimulus (used in combination): price-sensitive markets.
10. involving work, duties, or information of a highly secret or delicate nature, esp. in government: a sensitive position in the State Department.
11. requiring tact or caution; delicate; touchy: a sensitive topic. *
12. constructed to indicate, measure, or be affected by small amounts or changes, as a balance or thermometer.
13. Radio. easily affected by external influences, esp. by radio waves.
OK, first let’s rule out 8,9,10,12,and 13 as they carry technical, business, or scientific connotations. With those off the table, we have 8 levels of sensitivity left. When women are asking for a sensitive mean, there’s four of those that they don’t mean. So you actually only have a 50/50 shot of fitting the bill.
The Bad kind of sensitive: (2, 4, 6, 11)
These are the bad kinds of sensitive, the ones which make you look weak. Women don’t want a man who is swayed too easily, as implied by number 2, or who is highly irritable, emotional, or susceptible to pain as numbers 4 and 6 describe, and no one wants to walk on eggshells around anyone who is too much of number 11. If you are sensitive in any of these ways, you are whiny, needy, and annoying. Sorry.
Everybody gets a little testy now and then. Bad days, weeks, or months are allowed. But if any of these characterize you as a matter of course, it’s time to toughen up. It’s not cool to show every pain you have. A stab wound? Go ahead and weep like a baby. A stubbed toe? Suck it up in front of your woman. Now matter what a woman says about wanting the sensitive man, trust me she still wants to be the girly one. And the higher her threshold for pain, the higher yours has to be to make her feel protected.
The Good kind of Sensitive (1,3,5,7)
These are the kind of sensitive she means guys. The most important part of 1 is the word “perception” this is the part of the “I can’t read your mind!” argument that doesn’t compute with her. She’s looking for a guy to be more perceptive to her feelings, her preferences, and even just her daily routine. And then of course as number 3 says, to be reactive to it. Numbers 5 and 7 are great advice for sex. Being sensitive to sensation and stimulation is a good thing in general, and in bed it makes you more like her. In terms of affection, being more sensitive to physical stimulus, helps you notice her hand near you, even though the game is on and it’s 4th and goal.
I should confess, I did not come to understand all of this alone. This is a lesson I learned form a female friend who coached me when I got dumped after crying at “The Notebook”. (I’ve caught on that some women are into that, but it’s completely proportional to her level of sensitivity.) Basically, from what I’ve learned, what you women want is not so much a sensitive man, but a man who is sensitive to YOU. Someone who is attentive to your needs, but not completely immune to his own emotions. So really, what you want is not a “sensitive man” but a compassionate one, don’t you think?
What kind of sensitive are you looking for?
Tags: dating, Relationships, Sensitive, Sensitivity
