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I’m not saying that these kinds of relationships never work out, but a friends with benefits situation can EASILY go sour quickly, as many Date Hookup users have found out.  In my experience (personally and through keen observation), one person usually ends up feeling slighted and wanting to break the original agreement. For a lot of people, distinguishing between just sex and sex and romance and sex and friendship is just too difficult. It’s very difficult to leave emotions out of sexual relationships.

A friend of mine was involved in a “friends with benefits” situation after going through a painful break up. At first, things were working out great. They would call each other, mostly late at night or on weekends after they had left the bar and their other friends. They both enjoyed the sex and each other’s company. However, after awhile, he began sharing his feelings for her. He never acted on those feelings though which left her confused and looking for someone who would be able to offer her more. I was once in a similar situation myself, and after a few months of the “friend’s with benefits” thing, I was over it. It got to a point where I wanted more because I had grown attached to my “friend” in a different way then I had been before. We got along great and the sex was great, and it got to a point where it just seemed silly to not be together.

Of course, there are exceptions, and if it works for you and your “friend”, and you’re both happy with the situation then that’s great! Just don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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No, I didn’t immediately shred the photographs to pieces (thought about it).   I studied them.  Not because I didn’t know what my boyfriend’s ex looked like – I knew her.  In fact, I had even been on a friendly “acquaintance” level with the girl.  I studied the pictures because I asked myself, “What the hell was my boyfriend thinking?!”  It sounds harsh, I know.   And I’m not saying that I’m the catch of the century.  But what I do know is, my boyfriend could have done a lot better.

It happens a lot, I’m sure.  We have all dated someone in our past who probably seemed a lot more charming and better looking when we were under the influence.  (For me, this was a trend that continued for a couple of years.)  I’m by no means saying I’m a superficial person.  I’m sure my boyfriend’s ex was a nice girl, and the reason he stuck with her for 4 years was because she was genuine and faithful and blah blah blah…But honestly, looking at the pictures made me realize how much better my boyfriend could do.  (And by that, I mean me, ha!)   His ex girlfriend lacked style.  She could have used a make over.  Her personality reminded me of my Grandmother during church.  And to top it off, she treated my boyfriend like crap.  She complained, she whined, she threw fits when he didn’t cater to her ever whim…

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I always ask my boyfriend what kept him with his ex girlfriend for so long.  Four years is a long time to be in a committed relationship with someone.  Did he really love her?  Or did he just have low self esteem?  At this point in his life, he doesn’t even want to be friends with his ex girlfriend.  He says she never made him truly happy.

While I know relationships end for a reason, and an ex should remain a thing of the past, I can’t help but use my boyfriend’s previous relationship as a guide of sorts.  I know where things went wrong in their time spent together, and I now know what I can do to ensure I don’t follow down the same path.  Every relationship we experience is truly a learning experience.  From my personal failed attempts at love, I know not to make the same dumb mistakes twice…or three times, if I’m having a lonely streak.  What made you stick around with the ex you would rather forget?  Were you lonely?  Did you not know any better?  Did your previously bad relationships help to build better ones down the line?

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• The tube of toothpaste in our bathroom. I always pushed from the back, he always pushed from the front. Drove me insane to the point where I had to put a sticker on the end of the toothpaste saying “Start Here!”
• Whether or not to use the one or two knives when making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He insisted on using two, even if I would clean the knife after applying the jelly before diving into the peanut butter. If he found out I made a sandwich with only one knife, he would dramatically get up to make another.
• The fastest way to get home from the mall. When I actually timed each way and discovered I was right, he gave me the silent treatment for about 6 hours.
• Best speed to leave the ceiling fan on. I suggested the medium speed, but if it wasn’t on high, he’d complain about the heat every 13.2 seconds.
• How often to change the filter in our water pitcher. The company says about 2-3 months, but he was convinced it was a ploy to get consumers to spend more money. We went a year and a half without changing ours. I drank bottled water.
• Similarly, how often to fill up our water pitcher. It doesn’t do much good to me if I go to pour a glass of water and there is approximately 4 millimeters of water left in the pitcher.
• The thermostat. To the point where there was a one degree discrepancy.
• When to pay our bills. I usually wanted to pay them right away, but he would deliberately wait until the last minute because he didn’t want to be taken advantage of. Needless to say, this led to many late bills.
• Where to cut toenails. He thought it was appropriate to cut them on the coffee table when we were watching a movie. Clearly I thought otherwise.
• Video games. Now, I rarely play video games, but since he was a gamer I often indulged and got involved just to spend time with him. Since I wasn’t an active gamer, he got furious, and I mean furious, if I ever beat him. He would blame it on something (anything really - glitch in the game, he was hungover, he hurt his thumb at work - you get the picture) and then refuse to play with me for weeks.
• Cooking in the kitchen. Didn’t matter if he was cooking, I was cooking - he was always underfoot. He would always be right behind me to the point where I would step on his feet or accidentally spill pots of hot water on him (true story) because he just could not manage to not be exactly where I needed to be. Of course, no matter what, this was my fault.
• Food shopping was always a great source of debate. Strangely enough he was meticulous about coupons. He would save every coupon he could find, even if it was only to save 10 cents. If we desperately needed soap and he had forgotten our “buy one get one 10% off” coupon, we simply had to wait.
• Ridiculous colloquialisms. Where he is from, they call soda “pop” and sprinkles “jimmies”. Now, I understand that where he’s from, these are accepted and oft spoken. However I had to draw the line when a friend asked for a soda while at our apartment and he pretended not to understand until she said “pop”.
• He consistently disagreed that it took him longer to get out of the house in the morning than it took me. One morning we tested it out, and the only reason we were ready at precisely the same time is because I had to battle with him for a few minutes in front of the mirror.
• Leaving his dirty clothes everywhere. Everywhere. I mean everywhere. I can handle a couple shirts and a pair of jeans on the floor, but when I’m finding dirty socks in the pantry, there’s a problem.
• The amount of time spent playing video games. Like I said earlier, he would refuse to play with me once I beat him (or came too close for comfort), but that didn’t stop him from playing. I timed it once: he played 3 hours and 42 minutes without saying a word to me while I was sitting right next to him reading.
• Politics. Now, this may be a common thing for people to argue about, as people have very strong convictions. We quickly learned the issues important to one another, but that never stopped him from incessantly emailing me article that sufficiently supported his point of view with snarky little notes like “Ha-ha” or “Who was right this time?”
• His complete inability to comfort me when I was upset. Several times I came home from a long, stressful day at work and just burst into tears, hoping for a hug or some comforting words. Well, if I didn’t immediately tell him what was wrong, he would get defensive and say “Well I don’t know what you’re mad at *me*!” Once I did tell him, if he didn’t think it was worth getting upset over, he would argue with me. While I was still crying.
• Locking the door to our apartment. Apparently, our furniture and valuables were worth nothing to him. I don’t think he locked the door once.
• Watching movies. I always try to find a compromise when choosing a movie, but if he didn’t get to watch the one he wanted, he would make sure I knew it. He even went as far as looking up the synopsis of a thriller online, and 90 minutes into the movie said “He’s the one who did it”, just to be a jackass.
• How we spent money. I will admit that I do like to shop, but when I was accused of being a “wild, reckless spender” for purchasing $40 bath mats (which we desperately needed) and he freely bought $550 Jets tickets, I don’t think I was the biggest threat to our bank account.
• The best way to core an apple. Yes, there is more than one way. No, it doesn’t matter.
• Shampoo. I noticed that I was going through my shampoo (which I buy special at a salon) much faster than usual. I asked him if he used it, he said no. I experimented and stopped using it for a week. It was empty.

These are just some of the highlights. What are some of the annoying fights you’ve gotten into with your boyfriend or girlfriend?

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Something that I have done in the past with friends and think would be great for a date is making homemade sushi. It is pretty labor intensive but the combination of ingredients will pretty much taste good no matter how sloppily put together the rolls are and the activity will allow you and your date to work together. This meal also works great if one of you is a vegetarian or vegan and the other eats meat since you can make everything to order.

It’s important to make a meal you will both enjoy and feel comfortable eating. Don’t make lobster if you’re not sure how you’re going to get the thing out of the shell to eat it. Keep in mind your date’s likes and dislikes, including any food allergies or personal preferences. Comfort foods that are easy to eat and well liked by most people are a great way to go. Not only are most comfort foods easy to make, they are also down to earth, inexpensive, and will make your man feel like safe and loved.

In closing, I have two more tips. Firstly, a friend of mine made her boyfriend this chicken wing dip during a big game and he absolutely flipped his lid for it. I have tried it myself and can completely understand why - give it a try. Secondly, stay away from the asparagus

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Photo: Brandon P.

Learn about his favorite team. No one said you had to watch EVERY sporting event with your man, but showing interest in watching his favorite team can show him you’re interested. All you need to do is check out the team’s website and learn about a couple of the top players. If you throw out an “Wow, Eli Manning threw some great passes today!”, he’ll probably be so shocked you know the name of his athletic hero that he’ll think you’re the best girlfriend ever.

Ask questions. I don’t know the first thing about football, so asking questions is the only way I can get through a game. It shows that you’re interested and willing to learn about something he’s interested in. Though, be sure to time your questions properly - if you ask a question during the last 30 seconds of a close basketball game, you’ll likely be ignored.

Get competitive. I’ll admit, I didn’t know a damn thing about college basketball six years ago. Then I filled out my first NCAA tournament bracket, entered a pool with my friends, and have been hooked ever since. You don’t have to know that much about sports to bet on them (you can bet on something as simple as the score of the game), and some bets are just luck anyway (like Superbowl box pools). If you make it interesting for yourself, you’ll be more apt to care about the game. Even if you don’t know much about the sport, you can always just do a few minutes of research on ESPN and fake it!

Focus on the positives. This is very shallow, but sporting events = hot, super-toned guys. If you really have no interest in sports, at the very least you can at least appreciate the eye candy.

Are you the type of girl that loves sports, or do you have other ways to get you through game day?

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Credit: Beamillion

After a long winter (brr, it still feels like winter outside!) and unmeasurable amounts of snow, ice, and as the newsmen call it, “wintry mix”, the only thing on the cabin fevered minds of individuals is warm weather and sunshine.   Enter spring.    Springtime has always been a transitional period, especially in the northeast.   But once the calendar declares winter is over, there is no turning back.   Nice weather must make an appearance.   And with the nice weather, our minds and bodies turn to other thoughts.   In the minds of women, warm weather equates to skirts, dress, flip flops, and bikinis.   In the minds of men, warm weather equates to skin, tanned skin, more exposed skin and bikinis!   Either way, once the temperatures start rising, so do the hormones.   It’s called “spring fever” and it happens every year.   As soon as the first nice day of spring rolls around, my cell phone is ringing off the hook with invites for BBQs, bike rides and park picnics.   However, throw spring fever into the mix, and I also have dates lined up from Memorial Day through Labor Day.   I never understood what it was, but throw springtime in with a couple of nice days, and the equation equals love for men and women alike.

Credit: IcyFrance

Maybe springtime just brings more options for dates?   There are many more opportunities to be outside.   The beach, the lake, the park…even the backyard of a friend’s house makes the perfect atmosphere for a party.   I know now that the warm weather is finally making an much sought after appearance, Mother Nature will be very much involved in all future dates of mine.   My favorite springtime date is a picnic in the park.   Hands down.   It’s the perfect opportunity to get to know someone.   If I want to impress my lucky man of choice, I always make super tasty cupcakes.   Baked goods can make just about anyone swoon.   And if I’m nervous, I always remember to pack a bottle (or two?) of wine.   Sitting on a blanket in the sunshine, with yummy food and a cute boy is the perfect way to begin the spring and summer.

Has spring fever gotten you?   What are some of your warm weather date ideas?

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Photo by: Nico Van Der Merwe

Lucy and Desi: Although their relationship didn’t work out in the end, this pair of opposites had insatiable chemistry. Their rapport with each other was magical and is one of the reasons why “I Love Lucy” is such a fun show to watch.

David Spade and Heather Locklear: This one was short lived, but I think most of America had a “WTF!?” moment when these two got together. Heather Locklear seems to never age past her “T.J. Hooker” days and David Spade is…well, he’s David Spade. Either way, they made kind of a sweet couple and rumor has it that they are still great friends.

Mia Farrow and Frank Sinatra: These two started as a sweet, yet odd pairing. Things quickly turned sour when firey Sinatra served her divorce papers in front of the entire cast and crew of “Rosemary’s Baby”. Ouch.

Woody Allen and Soon Yi: Speaking of Mia Farrow…what’s the deal with this couple? In case you don’t know the back story. Mia Farrow adopted Soon Yi. Mia Farrow marries Woody Allen. Flash forward a few years, Woody Allen and Soon Yi are having an affair. Yes, that’s right, Woody Allen cheated on his wife with his adopted “step-daughter” (not that it makes it any LESS weird). They are still together and this peculiar pair seem to actually be working out regardless to the criticism and heebie jeebies had by all.

The bottom line is you never know who is going to be your perfect match. It could be someone who is a clone of yourself or it could be your polar opposite, you just never know. The best thing to do is to keep your heart and your mind open to new things and new people and see where it takes you

Have you ever dated your opposite? Did it work out?

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Photo: Arjun Kartha

“Who’s in there with my @*#%&! sister?”

Yea, totally got busted by my older brother. And older brothers are not too fond of punk little boys trying to get into the pants of their little sisters.

The guy made it out alive, but others are not so lucky. A college roommate of mine once told me about a night where she and her boyfriend were getting, er, a little close, when her parents full on busted through her bedroom door. If that weren’t embarrassing enough, her parents then decided to give her a lecture on safe sex and begged her to “wait until marriage.” Well, it was clearly too late for that, and the encounter left her scared and far too wary to ever get frisky in her parents’ house again. Probably a good idea anyway.

Somehow it’s a little less humiliating when it’s a roommate or a friend, but it’s always going to be awkward! A few of my friends once walked in our friend and her boyfriend, and they haven’t been able to look at him the same way since. Is there anyway to save face once you’ve been caught in the act?

I’ve found the best way to address it is to make a joke about it. Ignoring it completely just makes it really awkward for the other people involved. They’ll probably be too embarrassed to even mention it to you (in fact, in most cases I’m sure they shut the door damn fast and walk the other way), but you don’t want it to become the elephant in the room.

Unless, of course, you’re caught by your parents or a relative. In that case, bow your head in shame for a few days and pretend the horrific event never happened.

Have you ever been caught in a “compromising position”?

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Credit: Matthew Bowden

Before we knew it the sun was coming up and we knew if we fell asleep then we’d be out for the day. We would have lost precious time and we had no time to waste. We wanted to spend every second, learning everything we could about each other. After all, we had so much to talk about.

As the morning passed by we finally realized we had to eat; we needed to keep our energy up. =) We had a long night ahead of us! There was drinking, talking, laughs to be had, fooling around and more of the same to be done; again and again. =)

After we ate we decided we were both so tired if we didn’t get some sleep we would be worthless that night. So, back to the room we went with every intention of getting some much needed shut eye. As luck would have it, if at this point you could call it luck, sleep wasn’t on the menu for the afternoon. But more joking and wrestling around was and you got it, more fooling around! Normally this kind of non-stop bunny hopping is like a jolt of energy for me and keeps me awake for hours. After this round of “slapping each other around”, if you catch my drift, I was pooped! I bet I was probably snoring in a quick minute! (Scott was kind enough to tell me I definitely snore!)

Night time came and we rolled out of bed then showered and headed out. It was another night filled with games, teasing, stealing kisses and running back to the room for 15 minutes or so at a time then back to the hotel bar.

I think about Scott and my road trip to memory lane often. This was the best road trip I’ve ever taken and can’t wait until his work brings him back my way. It makes me sad and happy to think about Scott and I miss him so much some times. I hope we have another road trip soon so we can spend hours catching up with again.

Have you ever reconnected with an old friend? Isn’t it something you cherish and wouldn’t give up for anything?

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Some bad habits and behaviors may seem like nothing, but in actuality they can mean much more. One of my friend’s exes used to stick his gum under HER living room table instead of getting up and simply throwing his ‘ABC’ gum away. This bizarre behavior seems pretty funny to an outsider, but when you put it into context, and dig a little deeper it’s easy to see that his laziness had begun to carry over into complete disregard and respect for her belongings, and ultimately, for her. She realized that he would not be ready to a) buy nice furniture with her anytime soon and b) that if she stayed with him she would be cleaning up gum for the rest of her life!

The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy is another huge red flag. You may think you’re guy or girl is super sweet for being so into you, at first at least, but I guarantee that in time your feelings will fade and you will probably just be annoyed. Chances are, if your partner is super jealous, they are probably pretty insecure. Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself”? It’s true. Also, nothing is worse than comparing or being compared to an ex-lover or significant other. The past should be left right where it is, in the past.

Pressure Cooker

We all know someone (we may even be this person) who needs everything to go their way at all times. Unfortunately for them, the world actually doesn’t spin around their own personal axis, and they just can’t win all the time. Some people don’t want to accept this, however, and try to force others into doing what they want. A relationship should be a partnership, 50-50, with no one person making all the decisions. If someone has to pressure you into doing something or feeling a certain way, 9 out of 10 times, it’s not the right thing for you to do.

The bottom line is, if something isn’t feeling right or something seems off between you and your partner, then it probably is. It is important to follow your gut! No one is perfect, but there are some behaviors that are just not acceptable. Ask yourself if you would accept such behavior from one of your friends or family members.

What red flags have made you wave the white flag on a relationship?

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