Law of the Letter

At some point or another we’ve all used the power of the pen and put our emotions on paper. Sometimes that letter becomes a cherished piece of relationship memorabilia, but other times it becomes a weapon of humiliation. When it comes to relationships, there are times when documenting your feelings for posterity is a great idea, and others… well, when you should write it, and then burn it. Here’s a few things to think about next time your thinking of putting your thoughts in black and white.

Credit: a.drian

The Love letter

Do It!

You’re in love. But more importantly, the other person loves you back. When you are in a mutually loving relationship, releasing your inhibitions and writing a love letter can be a touching tribute to the person you care about. Whether you’re mailing a letter to a love who is far away or simply slipping a note into a pocket to await discovery, a letter is a tangible gesture to be preserved. Not everyone is eloquent, or finds it easy to emote through words. If you have feelings you haven’t been able to voice or even ones that you have. Giving and receiving letters is a meaningful way to immortalize devotion for both people.

Don’t Do It!

You’re in love. But they aren’t. Rejection sucks all around. There’s pain involved, and hurt pride can feel an awful lot like a broken heart. Just like angina can feel like a heart attack. It’s ok, live it, feel it, but for your own good, don’t put it on paper. Even when your dealing with a situation where you’re uncertain about the other person’s feelings, there’s risk involved. Sure, they could be into you and a moving letter could turn the tide in your direction. But I highly recommend having a very strong inkling that your feelings are reciprocated before you put your heart in an envelope.

Once your letter is in the hands of the US postal service or slipped into a desk drawer, you are taking a huge gamble on the recipient’s character. I had a friend named Scott once, who wrote a girl a letter saying how much he cared about her, and wanted to get to know her better. However, she did not feel the same. In fact she felt quite the opposite, and “The Letter” went on to comedic infamy at her workplace. If you need to pour your heart out, do what you gotta do but for god’s sake don’t share it with object of your affection unless you]re pretty sure you won’t fall victim to public humiliation.

The Breakup Letter

Do It!

When the letter comes in the form of a subpeona, or a restraining order. Ok, as the victim of a dear John, I’m a little bitter. Coming home to find a long-term relationship has ended, in a note left on the kitchen counter is a brutal shock to anyone. Even in a short-term or undefined relationship, when your pink slip is literally a hot-pink post-it, it stings. Some times a break up letter seems like a good idea because you can’t bring yourself to go the direct route. If you don’t care about hurting someones feelings, or the fact that it makes you kind of a jerk, then go for it.

But I do recognize a good-bye letter is not without merit for certain situations. Mostly, when you’re legally, mentally or physically incapable of taking care of business face to face. Or 10 years-old. If you need to write out what you want ot say, to vent, practice and plan, that’s just smart and therapeutic. But that’s for you not them, and you should probably destroy it when you’re done.

Don’t Do It!

If you still care about this person at all, it’s so much kinder and more respectful to say good bye in person. Breaking up with someone is a nightmare but everyone has to go through it. It can be a right of passage, a test of personal strength and a stage of progress we all need in order to develop the resolve and strength of convictions it takes not to fold under pressure. If your relationship has to end, don’t cheat them out of closure or yourself out of the growth that comes from stepping up and doing the right thing.

My personal motto with love letters is, send it if you’re sure and when in doubt, throw it out. And with break up letters, whenever humanly possible, look the person who cares about it in the eye. What do you guys think; is it worth the risk when you’re uncertain? Is it ever ok to terminate a relationship in a note?