Last weekend, I went over to a close girlfriend’s apartment for a night of wine, gossip, and romantic movies. She had rented all the perennial favorites: Titanic, The Notebook, An Officer and a Gentleman. As we popped open the first bottle of Chardonnay and put in a movie, I found myself rolling my eyes at the ridiculous events that unfolded during the course of the film. Do women really fall for this stuff? The cheesy lines, the lame romantic gestures, and totally unrealistic “happily ever after” endings? As I looked over to my friend, tears welling up in her eyes, I realized that yes, women do believe that movie relationships are real. And that’s just not healthy.
Photo by Sonja Mildner
First of all, real relationships aren’t so serendipitously perfect. We don’t randomly bump into our soul mates in the street, arms full of boxes, just begging our potential life partner to assist us and strike up a conversation. Instead, we usually meet Mr. Wonderful in a much less romantic scenario, like in a bar or through a group of mutual friends. Hell, I met my last boyfriend at a bowling alley…there’s nothing romantic about that!
While the men we date may be oozing with romance, they just can’t compete with the grandiose theatrics of men in the movies. Very few guys will spend hours filling a bedroom with rose petals and candles, or stand outside our window with a boom box blasting a Peter Gabriel tune. And that’s okay by me! Do you really want to lie in a field of wild flowers at dawn talking about your hopes and fears? I don’t. My allergies are too finicky, anyway.
Movies tend to perpetuate the belief that you only have “one true love”. Most films suggest that there is one person out there for you, and if you blow it, you’ve got to bend over backwards to get them back. Now I’m a firm believer in fate, but I find it highly unlikely that you will only be happy with one person. If so, I’ve probably screwed up enough relationships to ensure that I’ll be alone forever. Maybe I’ll get back with the loser ex that dumped me six months ago, or maybe I won’t meet my future husband for another 10 years. Happy endings aren’t so immediately realized in real life.
The point is that these idealized fabrications of love give the good, kindhearted men of the world a bad name (yes, I’m standing up for men here). Sure, your boyfriend may not have abs of steel or the ability to pull together the date of a lifetime in an hour, but he’s a good guy. He loves you. He gives you roses on your birthday, puts down the toilet seat, and knows enough not to stare too long at your hot friend with the great rack and mile-long legs.
This isn’t to say that we should lower our expectations about relationships. Women still need to be loved unconditionally and treated like they’re something special (which we are). We want creative dates, we want romance, and above all else, we want someone who appreciates us. We just need to make the distinction between fairy tales and real life. Women get such unrealistic expectations from movies that they often end up searching for Hollywood’s idea of the “perfect man” instead of the perfect man for each of them. In the end, we only end up disappointed. I know I’m going to give the good guys of the world a chance before I start comparing them to Noah Calhoun from The Notebook (not-so-arguably the world’s most perfect man).
Am I totally off base here? Have any of you dated a real-life Prince Charming, or do you agree that movies relationships are unrealistic?
