Sleeping In Style
February 18th, 2009 by Queen of RomanceWhen I sleep, I want distance. Lots of it. In order to insure this, I own a bed only slightly larger than a football field, and anyone else in it better stay on the other side or get out. I sleep close to the edge and rarely toss and turn…resulting in efficient sleep, which is good, because in my case, lost sleep is definitely not pretty. I am the Fortress of Solitude. My ideal partner is another Fortress or a Corpse.
Photo by: Karva Javi
I’ll be honest, I’ve found myself beside a variety of sleepers over the years. Here are some of the people I’ve encountered in my nocturnal adventures. Which one are you?
The Octopus: You know the type. The Octopus is all over the bed, with way more arms and legs than seems possible for a single human being. An Octopus can only sleep with a Fortress of Solitude – and only after he learns to stay on the far side of the football field. Or a Corpse, of course.
The Jerk: This sleeper simply cannot stay still. He will jerk and twitch in his sleep, driving anyone crazy. He can’t sleep with anyone but a rock.
The Corpse: Can sleep anywhere, under any circumstances, without moving or waking until optimal rest is achieved. Corpses are universal sleepers and can share a bed with anyone. We hate them.
The Clingon: Clingons are really, really needy. They require constant physical attention, even in sleep. Their biological imperative is hug or be hugged. We hate them too, but for very different reasons. Clingons are compatible only with other Clingons.
The Grudge: The Grudge is an insomniac, and somehow, this is your fault. He spends sleepless nights mumbling under his breath, poking you to ask random questions that apparently cannot wait until morning, and kicking the bed when he can’t think of anything else that will wake you up to provide company for his misery. Unfortunately, the Grudge is a temporary condition that can be paired with any sleeper. The formula for the seventh circle of sleep hell is: the Fortress of Solitude + (Clingon x Grudge). It’s very scientific. Look it up.
Did I miss any? What type of sleeper are you?
Tags: Sleep Styles, Sleeper
